Kyle Cease made a great reference to a movie that I had NO idea existed, until last week. In the movie Adaptation by Nicolas Cage, he says You Are What You Love And Not What Loves You. That goes along with a song by Mumford and Sons called Awake My Soul. I did a similar post with the same title and when I heard Kyle’s reference I know I needed to write about it.
We often look at the external world for acceptance, approval, and permission. One could even add in the ability to be heard and understood. One more that just came to mind was to be validated. It’s something, as human beings, we don’t even realize we are doing it. When we ask someone to “look this over” or “provide feedback” we are looking for all of those things I just mentioned.
Becoming aware of those actions and habits is the first step in living the life you were destined to live. You are what you love and not what loves you. After internalizing what that means, I can confidently say that I love life. Looking within for everything first means that I no longer need anyone’s acceptance, approval, and permission. Taking responsibility for my thoughts and actions to create a life that I want to live has become my life.
Since taking an internal oath to myself, I’ve been able to create my life in a place of love, gratitude, and freedom. Whether it’s spending time with my family or time alone with my thoughts, it all comes from a place that I’ve been to before. Asking yourself many questions will help. One in particular is…
How do I create a life that I love?
First, Kyle Cease has taught me a TON about the word “How”. The word “How” automatically implies that you will never get to the answer. Providing yourself with the answer starts with already coming to a place OF the answer. Meaning that you ARE the answer. It makes the process of acceptance into your new life that you ever so want easier to come to fruition.
As I write this I was going to start over, but I am choosing not to. The above paragraphs are a jumbled mess of what I really want to say. For some reason, I think I have to impress people with big fancy words and MASSIVE metaphors and I’m loving the truth that is coming out now. You are what you love and not what loves you hits me in a way that makes my heart race. It races because of the truth that comes from that statement.
When I get out of my own way and stop trying to impress those around me the easier things come. The love that comes from letting go of your current routine of life and start loving spontaneity is the key. The key to the jail cell of life. Imagine yourself being locked up in a jail cell. Leaving only when someone tells you to. Eating only when someone says you can eat. Hanging out with other people that are in the jail with you only when told it’s ok.
Does that analogy sound like something that 99% of people live by? Your routine of life is your jail cell. Everything from the way you shut off your alarm in the morning to the way you scratch yourself in the exact same place. Getting yourself ready in the exact order of clothing to hygiene routines. When you’ve fallen asleep and let your body become your mind, life is simply passing you by.
Let’s get back to the key. We all have the key to free ourselves from the jail cell. It’s something that we overthink about every day. We get caught up in trying to control every outcome of our lives. That leads to trying to be the best at everything, in turn, leads to competing with others. That competition leads to a game I used to play with myself on a daily basis. I call that game the Comparison Game.
We all do it, especially in today’s world of Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Music.ly and any other form of popular social media platform. We zone out and start scrolling through everyone else’s “feed”. That “feed” is basically one big comparison game. Let’s see if this sounds familiar…
Wow, look at that new truck Johnny just got. Man, it would be cool to have those rims that color. Why don’t people like my posts when I post something about my life? All those stupid student loans are holding me back from buying a new truck like Johnny’s. I should have just went to tech school. I think I’ll “like” this post and congratulate him on his new truck, but ultimately I’m VERY jealous and angry at myself for not making more money.
Have you ever had that conversation with yourself? Maybe not that exact one, but I bet that’s something close. Little Johnny doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with your life, but you’ve given him a TON of clout when it comes to your belief systems. Becuase you don’t have what he has your life, no matter how good or bad you THINK you have it, will never be as good as his. You are giving away your love and letting your external world in.
I LOVE social media, don’t get me wrong. It has done some amazing things to this world. From bringing people closer together while being thousands of miles away, to creating one of the biggest culture shifts known to man, the internet aka social media has created a world where we only see things at face value. We determine our life by how many “likes” we get from posting a picture of our #FlexFriday pics.
When you really start to understand that you are what you love and not what loves you the world becomes very simple. Doing what you love and living your passion comes freely. It’s almost effortless. Take me for example. As I am sitting here writing this it is 10:45 pm. I am on 6 consecutive days of 4-5 hour sleep, but I have more energy and am SO excited about where I am in life because I’ve stopped looking to my outer world for acceptance, approval, and permission.
I now operate from a place of love. With that love comes a MASSIVE amount of consistency, determination and a sense of community. Every time I am in “that place” I feel like I am a part of a higher sense of beings. Like there are others in this world who are doing the exact same thing as I am, just in a different way. I truly don’t have a clue what that means and I love that. Some people might call me crazy for the way I think, feel and act, but I think those people are the crazy ones because they just don’t get it.
Love always wins. Doing the right thing is always the right thing. These are two things I remind myself often. I strive to provide more value than I ask for in exchange. Putting in the hard work and expecting nothing is the most gratifying thing I’ve ever experienced. You know you’re onto something when people are changing the way they feel, act and live just because they are around you. It’s a VERY powerful feeling.
Not because of the “power” that it provides. It’s because of the ability to be humble. I’m no better than anyone on this planet. What I “have” in my life isn’t the best in the world. Time isn’t always on my side. My external environment isn’t 100% perfect. What I do have is my awareness. The awareness of the power to change me and the tools to do just that. What’s even more powerful to think about is the fact that I get to teach others to do the same. I’m grateful for everything and every person who is in my life. I’m grateful for every experience good or bad because of the opportunity that I’ve been giving.
Learning from any experience is another “key” (You’re gonna have FULL key ring here pretty soon)
Whether it’s a video that’s getting a TON of attention or a post that you’ve made and people get all pissed off about, there’s something to learn from it. It’s your awareness that will bring you the lesson. Awareness gives you answers.
I now realize that this post is massive and I love that. You are what you love and not what loves you. I love the fact that I can write freely and not feel judged. I’m loving the fact that I probably will read this out loud and record myself while I do. When we get past the fear and live from our state of purpose it becomes more apparent that our external world has NO power over us.
To conclude this massive release of whatever I’m calling this post. Please stop beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself. Be grateful for every person, place, thing and the time that you have in your life. Becuase you are what you love and not what loves you. And what loves you doesn’t matter anyway because that person, place or thing can’t take away your love for it.
Let’s get after it today. Make today the best day of your life by treating it like the best day of your life. Commit to yourself. Get at LEAST one round done of today’s WOD.
You Got This!
PS: Want more motivation? Tired of the same old crummy routine of life? Rather then going to another newsletter you won’t ACTUALLY read, hop on mine to get your weekly dose: JedKobernusz.com/Newsletter
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Workout Of The Day (WOD) #243 | You Are What You Love And Not What Loves You
Warm-Up – 5 Minutes Cardio (At LEAST)
- SeeSaw Plank – 30 Reps
- Side Plank Knee To Chest – 20 Reps Each Side
- Explosive Push-Ups (Make An X or Clap)– 10 Reps
- Chest Tap Push-Ups – 5 Reps
Cool Down – 5 Deep Breaths In Down Dog Pose And Child’s Pose
If you have any suggestions, any questions about how you are what you love and not what loves you, or want to know more about my services, then please email me at [email protected]
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Jed Kobernusz – ACSM-EPC, EMT, CEAS-I, FMS
Certified Exercise Physiologist
Body Weight Movement Coach
Email: [email protected]
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